Unhelpfully Hopeful
by Matrilineal
Summary: Naruto deems his life practically perfect, save for the fact that as long as he's with Sasuke, he'll never have a family. Just leave it to the rambunctious little blond to try and change that. NaruSasu. Mpreg.


Disclaimer- I own nothing

**Disclaimer-** I own nothing.

**A.N.-** I wish I could write a fic with more than one chapter. I'm just too full of fail, I suppose.

XD

**Summary-** Naruto decides his relationship with Sasuke is perfect. The only thing missing? NaruSasu, Crack, Hopeful Mpreg.

**Pairing-** NaruSasu

Naruto really couldn't understand the difference between normal, or rather, _straight_, relationships, and ones like the one he and Sasuke shared. Practically everything was the same. The nightly fights, occasional shiners, broken noses, throwing of plates, furniture, and any pointy object in reach; the _verbal_ attacks, insults—all resulting in, again, another match wherever the bickering had taken place, public or not; the fucks—Sasuke refused to refer to it, if having to come to that at all, as _love-making_ or _sex_, because that generally inferred he was in an intimate _relationship_ with his blond teammate.

Even though he was, it implied weakness, to him, and his blond partner was just fine and dandy calling _it_ whatever he wanted, so things were good.

Ignoring the lack of cuddling, straightforward affection that didn't come with a broken arm, and the overall comfort that usually came with the package, Naruto _knew_ there was one thing missing. If you asked him if he was happy with Sasuke, a "hell yes" would be given in reply, along with a "how the hell—," as no one had been informed, as of yet, about their... Status. Still, the blond could not deny that he could not be completely happy.

All of his life, he'd wanted a family; and God knows that all of Konoha and their grandmothers knew that Sasuke did as well. How else was he going to revive the clan? It was like waiting for pigs to fly if he expected Itachi to do it. However, what they were doing _now_ was exactly like waiting for a miracle.

"Oi. Now, take this and piss on it."

The pregnancy stick was thrown and caught by the other man, coal eyes narrowed precariously at the grinning blond beside him, obviously expecting Sasuke to just drop his pants and take a shit right in front of him. No. Way. In fucking hell. Ever. The Uchiha wasn't _modest_, but that didn't mean he didn't expect some privacy, especially from the one he assumed knew him best; or as well as he'd allowed the boy to. But still, unsurprisingly, the tanned male stood his ground, rocking on his heels in anxiety. Whether it was to get a peek at Sasuke's cock or to merely see whether their little ploy had worked, the world would never know.

"Out; now," his lips were pressed into a thin line, gripping the _thing_ in his hand with enough firmness to break it into two. The hopefulness in those wide blue eyes was aggravating—as if he actually expected this to work! All they'd done was have Sasuke shift into Oiroke no Jutsu form, fucked, and then waited a month; it was like carving a whole into a tree, sticking a seed in it, covering it back up with bark, and then expecting it to grow. It just. Didn't. Happen. Men didn't have babies, no matter who the father/mother/other father was.

"But I wanna see!" Came the almost belated outcry, the source moving pointedly away from the bathroom door and shifting to slam it shut, though, with swiftness only a ninja could obtain, the swing was blocked by Sasuke's foot. At the same time, he spared a hand to latch onto Naruto's arm, tossing him roughly out of the room.

"Fondle yourself or something," the pale man hissed, slamming and locking the bathroom door himself, leaving Naruto gaping at the snide shot at his rather active libido.

Still, with Kyuubi providing somewhat pornographic pictures of his lover, naked, arms wrapped loosely around his dramatically burgeoned stomach, it was undoubtedly hard to keep everything under control down south. With a scowl, Naruto glared down at his lap and pressed his thighs together, attempting to relieve the minor arousal the stupid fox he harbored had set off. No way he was proving Sasuke right...

* * *

Said Uchiha glowered down at the _thing_ in his hand, turning it around a bit. The doubt in his mind had yet to settle, and so the will to actually go through with the at-home-testing was nearly non-existent.

-_men can't have kids it's just not right where the hell are they supposed to come out fuck i don't even have a womb how is this supposed to work fuck naruto fuck fuck fuck-_

And, with that mental tantrum, the pregnancy test was left to the small trash can beside the toilet, and Naruto was informed that the results were negative; but it was alright because they could just knock up some other woman or something.

Insert black eye.

* * *

_All there was left to do, six months later, was explain the weight gain, mood swings, cravings, and the need to baby-proof the house to his rather pissed blond mate._


End file.
